1. |
Be Mine, Valentine
02:00
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Roses are red, violets are violet
Here’s my number, why don’t you dial it
Roses are red, violets are not
Goddamn, you’re so fuckin’ hot
Roses are red, violets are blue
Pornhub is down, your Facebook will do
Roses are red, grass is greener
I think of you when I touch my weiner
Won’t you be my Valentine
Until the end of time
That’s what I had in mind
Roses are okay, violets are fine
You be the 6 and I’ll be the 9
Roses are read, lemons are sour
Open your legs and give me an hour
Roses are red, so are your lips
Please sit on my face and wiggle your hips
Roses are red, violets are blue
I want to be inside of you
Won’t you be my Valentine
Until the end of time
That’s what I had in mind
Woah
Won’t you be my Valentine
Until the end of time
That’s what I had in mind
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2. |
Hot Mess Magnet
01:45
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Well, she’s got an ex-fiancé with a big ol’ dick
And an old sugar daddy who doesn’t want to quit
She seems to have a history of birth control misuse
Top it all off with some daddy issues
I’m a hot mess magnet
Hot mess magnet
All my relationships are so fuckin’ tragic
I’m a hot mess magnet
Hot mess magnet
Well, she’s a daddy’s girl even though he whoops her ass
Now she drinks and smokes and she goes down fast
She likes hot rods, crotch rockets and big ol’ muddin’ trucks
That’s the key to her heart and that’s the key to fuck
I’m a hot mess magnet
Hot mess magnet
All my relationships are so fuckin’ tragic
I’m a hot mess magnet
Hot mess magnet
Well, her mother is a monster and a sick sadistic bitch
A narcissistic nightmare on a psychopathic power trip
But that girl’s quite the looker and, well, so is her sister
With that look in her eyes it’s so hard to resist her
I’m a hot mess magnet
Hot mess magnet
All my relationships are so fuckin’ tragic
I’m a hot mess magnet
Hot mess magnet
There’s no other way that I would have it
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3. |
Church Goin' Girl
01:56
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Oh baby, baby, when I’m with you
My heart beats steady, what’s a boy to do
Oh you’re such a delight, you’ve got me begging for more
Don’t ruin that dress so white, just let me in that back door
Church Goin’ Girl
Church Goin’ Girl
Just give it a whirl
Church Goin’ Girl
Oh darlin’, darlin’, fresh as spring
You make my heart spin, I’d do anything
Oh I’m head over heels when you’re with me here
The way you make me feel, let’s do it in the rear
Church Goin’ Girl
Church Goin’ Girl
Just give it a whirl
Church Goin’ Girl
Don’t live a life of sin, don’t let the devil in
Oh won’t you please just give me that chocolate chimney
Church Goin’ Girl
Church Goin’ Girl
Just give it a whirl
Church Goin’ Girl
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4. |
Deadbeat Boyfriend
02:26
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Well, he lost his job and he’s quite the slob
He’s just lounging around all day
That’s a permanent ass-dent in your sofa
Looks like he’s here to stay
Well, I’m going to level with you
I’ve heard this one before
You’ll go on and on and on and on
But you won’t kick him out that door
Oh, he can’t chip in rent
Says his money’s all spent
Yet there’s always weed
Yeah, It’s not that hard to see
He’s your deadbeat boyfriend
He’s stupid but kinda hot
He’s your deadbeat boyfriend
It’s time to shit or get off that pot
It was a shitty day at work
And you’ve been holding all that stress in
He’ll be right there waiting for you
Wondering what’s for din-din
Oh look, a puddle of piss on the floor
Guess he didn’t walk the dog
On top of all of that
He says “By the way, the toilet is clogged”
Oh, the house is a mess
And the yard is a wreck
Yeah, it’s time to reflect
Or just to accept
He’s your deadbeat boyfriend
He’s stupid but kinda hot
He’s your deadbeat boyfriend
It’s time to shit or get off that pot
He’s your deadbeat boyfriend
He’s stupid but kinda hot
He’s your deadbeat boyfriend
It’s time to shit or get off that pot
He’s your deadbeat boyfriend
He’s stupid but kinda hot
He’s your deadbeat boyfriend
It’s time to shit or get off that pot
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5. |
Dick Pic
03:10
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I just can’t think straight when I’ve got her on my mind
I’ve got the perfect plan to break the ice
Oh, I’ll set the mood and let her know that I’m a man
There’ll be no more lonely nights making love to my hand
I’ll wait ‘til about 2 or 3 in the morning
I won’t even give her a warning
I’m sure it will be a nice surprise
I’m sure it will be to her delight
I sent her a dick pick, I think that I’m so slick
I’m just tryin’, shotgunnin’ and swipin’
I’m sure that she saw it, but she hasn’t said shit
On to the next one, just tryin’ to get some
I’m really not sure why that didn’t work
Maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she’s just a jerk
Well, I dimmed the lights, made sure I looked nice, gave that guy a little rub
I wouldn’t send her half a mast, I sent her my full chub
I sent her a dick pick, I think that I’m so slick
I’m just tryin’, shotgunnin’ and swipin’
I’m sure that she saw it, but she hasn’t said shit
On to the next one, just tryin’ to get some
I sent her a dick pick, I think that I’m so slick
I’m just tryin’, shotgunnin’ and swipin’
She says I’m just a lowlife, she says I’m a piece of shit
All because I sent her that unsolicited dickpic
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Half Cashed House Band Florida
A Comedy/Music legend in the making! Half Cashed House Band will not dissapoint with hijinks and antics galore. A musical masterpiece with laugh-out-loud lyrics that will certainly tickle that funnybone. Tell your friends, tell your grandma, Half Cashed House Band's got it goin' on! ... more
